Mulla Nasruddin Stories and Jokes

Wise Choice

Nasruddin was flirting with two women.  He was not sure which one he would marry.  One day he was cornered by both of them and asked which one he loved the most.

An undecided Nasruddin said, "Put forward a practical situation which makes it easy for me to decide."

"Suppose we both fell into the river and are drowning then which one would you save?" asked the lean and prettier one.

This makes Nasruddin to turn to the other fatty but a moneyed woman and asks her, 

"My dear, do you know swimming?"

 

download_1.png 

Unconscious Man

When an illiterate friend asked Nasruddin to write a letter for him, Nasruddin refused saying, “Unfortunately, I can’t do it right now—my foot is sore.”

“Your foot?!” the friend said. “What does that have to do with writing a letter?”

“Well,” explained Nasruddin, “since nobody besides me can read my handwriting, I have to go wherever the letter goes so that I can read it to the recipient.”

'Oh, come on, do not try to fool me, you lazy fellow. Now start writing"  enforced the friend.

"Fine, then as you say" agreed Nasruddin and proceeded to write the letter.

After this friend finished dictating the letter to Nasruddin, he said, "Now please read it back to me so that I know nothing is left out".

Nasruddin tried hard to read his writing.  He could just read, "My dear brother" and then gave up, "I am not able to figure out what the next word is."

"Really, your script in ineligible for reading to yourself? I should not have asked you to write this letter."

"Let me remind you, at this moment my job is only to write this letter for you, not to read it.  Understood."

"That makes sense.  Besides the letter is not addressed to you, anyway!"


download_1.png 

  They do it fully

“I was just robbed at the border of this village! It must have been someone from here, and I demand justice!" shouted a man coming into village headman Nasruddin's room.  "The robber took everything from me—my sword, my robe, my precious necklace, my boots, everything! I demand justice. You should arrange for giving me back all those things that I have been robbed off”

Nasrudin calmly replied, “I see that you are still wearing you underwear—so the robber didn’t take that, did he?”

“Thank God, no” replied the man.

Nasrudin confidently, “Then I am sure he was not from here, and thus I cannot investigate your case.”

“How can you be so sure?” the man asked.

“Because if he were from here, he would have taken your underwear as well. After all, we always do things fully here!“

download_1.png

 

  Disrespectful

Some students got around Nasruddin with the intention of learning lessons on spirituality. 

At their insistence Nasruddin said, "OK, let's go to the lecture hall."  Saying that he mounted his donkey with his face to its tail.  The students were following him.

People are always fond of such unusual sights.  They began to stare.  They immediately had their final judgment on them, this Mulla is a fool and the students wanting to learn from such a one are even greater fools. 

A little while later the students became uneasy.  They said to Nasruddin,

"O Mulla! What are you doing?  Why do you ride like this? See people are looking at us only."

Nasruddin without being bothered by the people said, “You are thinking about what people's opinion, rather than being with what we are doing.” He proceeded, “Fine, I will explain you all this. If you walk in front then that would be disrespectful to me because you would be showing your back to me. If I walked behind, again the same thing will happen. And if I ride ahead with my back towards you then that would be disrespectful to you. No other way of avoiding the disrespect.”

download_1.png 

Greed Unlimited

The invited guests had arrived at Mulla Nasruddin's home.  The meal was served, but that did not had meat in it.  Nasruddin was searching for meat in that meal because he had given three pounds of meat to his wife to cook.  On being asked his wife said, "The cat ate away all the meat."  
Nasruddin immediately caught hold of the cat and put in on the weighing scale.  The cat weighed exactly three pounds.  He asked his pale faced wife, "Is this meat or cat on the weighing scale?"  

download_1.png

 

  Everything happens for Good

On a hot afternoon, Nasruddin was resting under the shade of a walnut tree. After sometime he looks amusingly at the huge pumpkins growing on vines and the small walnuts were growing on a huge tree.
"God is really unfair!" he thought. "Tinny walnuts grow on so such a huge tree and huge pumpkins on delicate vines!"
Just at that time a walnut cut off and fell hard on Nasruddin's bald head. At once he got up and prayed to God in devotional tone,

He got up at once and lifting up his hands and face to heavens in supplication, said:
"My dear God! Forgive me for doubting your intractable ways! You are all-knowing, all intelligent. Where would I have been now, if pumpkins grew on trees!"

download_1.png 

  You are Right

Judge Nasruddin was listening to a case. After listening the plaintiff present his arguments, Judge Nasruddin remarked, “You’re right.”

Then after listening the defendant presenting his case, Nasruddin again remarked, “Yes, you’re right.”

Nasruddin’s wife had been listening to the case, and stood up, “that doesn’t make any sense—how can both the defendant and plaintiff be right?”

“You know what?” Nasruddin responded. “You’re right, too!”

download_1.png
 Blessings

Rain was showering down heavily.  The priest who was considered the most religious man in the village was seen running for shelter.  
Nasruddin pounded on him, "How dare you run away from God's blessings?  As a religious person you ought to know that this rains are the blessings for all creation."

The priest was anxious to maintain his reputation.  He relaxed his pace and so arrived home thoroughly soaked.  To catch chill was a natural consequence.  

Then he sat at the windows wrapped in the blankets.  Soon afterwards he observes Nasruddin running away from the same rains.  He was furious, "Why are you now running away from this blessings, Nasruddin?  How dare you stop me and then yourself start running?

Nasruddin with a mischievious smile, "You don't realize that I do not want the rain water to touch my feet as that would be defiling the blessings coming through the them."

download_1.png


The Smuggler

Time and again Mulla Nasruddin would cross the border with his donkey having bails of straw. Each time the custom inspector would ask Nasruddin's profession and he would reply, “I am an honest smuggler!”

So each time Nasruddin, his donkey and the bags of straw would be searched from top to toe. Each time the custom folk would not find anything. Few days later Nasruddin would return without his donkey or bags of straw. He was not doing anything else, but still lived a luxurious life.  The custom inspector was always trying different search methods to catch Nasruddin.  But each time he failed to find any contraband.

Years went by and Nasruddin prospered in his smuggling profession to the extent that he retired.

Many years later the custom person too had retired. As it happened one day the two met in another country far from home. The two hugged each other like old buddies and started talking. After a while the custom officer asked the question which had been bugging him over the years, “Nasruddin, now we both are retired.  And we are in a different country now.  So please let me know what were you smuggling all those years ago?”

Nasruddin smiled and said, “Donkeys.” 

download_1.png


What Sleep is not

One day Mulla Nasruddin was passing. He heard the shopkeeper talking to the fox, "Be alert, watch every activity that is going on around.  If you see any suspicious activity or somebody is trying to steal the fruits, make a noise immediately and I will come out."

Mulla Nasruddin was very much tempted. The shopkeeper went in. Nasruddin sat in front of the shop and just started pretending he was falling asleep; with closed eyes he started dozing.

For a moment the poor fox thought, "What to do? Should I make a noise? But sleep is not an activity."

As he watched Nasruddin he too began to feel tired.  He lay down and went to sleep.

Then Nasruddin stole the fruits from the shop.

download_1.png

So Sure

When Nasruddin was inspecting a new house he wanted to buy, a next-door neighbor of that house walked over and began explaining how great that house was.

Nasruddin listened everything he said and then looking at him straight said, "What you are saying makes sense, but there is one big problem that I am noticing in this house now."

"A problem, what's that?"

"A nosey neighbor!"

download_1.png


End of Debate

A philosopher had come over to Mulla Nasruddin's house for a religious debate. They had fixed a date and time for the debate. So the man was deeply offended when he discovered that the door was locked on the appointed date and time.

'How dare he remains absent when he knew I was coming!' he fumed. He scribbled STUPID FOOL! in fury and went away.

When Mullah returned in the evening, he saw the letters STUPID FOOL! on his door and immediately realized what had transpired. Without waiting for a minute, he went to the learned man's home.

He knocked and apologized straight away. 'My sincere apologies my friend, for not remembering you were coming over for the debate. But I had realized you had come over the moment I saw your signature on my front door!'

download_1.png


Who makes the Noise

Nasruddin’s wife heard a loud noise in the next room. She went to inspect it, and saw her husband sitting on the floor.

“What was that?” she cried.

“It was just my clothes,” replied Nasruddin. “They fell down.”

“But how could your clothes make such a loud noise?” she asked.

“Because I was in them,” replied Nasruddin. 

download_1.png


No Problems

One day Mulla Nasruddin was throwing stones around his house. 
"Mulla, why are you doing this?" a neighbor asked.
"I want to keep the tigers away."
"But there are no tigers within hundreds of miles." 
"Effective, isn't it?" Mulla replied.

download_1.png

 

Burglars find him Empty

One night Mulla Nasruddin heard someone entering the house.  He become frightened and hid in the cupboard.  The thieves started searching but where not finding anything.  Then they opened the cupboard and found Mulla Nasruddin hiding there and shivering.

'Why are you hiding here?' asked one of the thief.

Mulla Nasruddin said 'I am hiding from shame because there is nothing here that I can serve you with.'

download_1.png


Bookish Knowledge

Mulla Nasruddin was carrying home some liver which he had just bought.  In the other hand he had the recipe for liver pie which a friend had given him. 

Suddenly a vulture swooped down and carried off the liver. 

'You fool' Nasruddin shouted 'the meat is all yours but I still have the recipe for liver pie'.

download_1.png

You cannot Deduce THAT

Nasruddin took a job as watchman. His master called him and asked whether it was raining. “I have to go see the Sultan, and the dye on my favorite coat is new. If it is raining, it will be ruined.”

Now, Nasruddin was very lazy; and, besides, he prided himself upon being a master of inference. The cat had just streaked in, soaked through.

“Master,” he said,” it is raining heavily.”

So the master dressed up in other clothes, went out, and found that there was no rain. The cat had been soaked by someone throwing water at it to shoo it away.

Nasruddin got fired.

download_1.png


Nasruddin Delivers a sermon

Once Mulla Nasruddin was invited to deliver a sermon. When he got on the pulpit, he asked, "Do you know what I am going to say?"

The audience replied, "No."

So he announced, "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about!" and left.

The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time, when he asked the same question, the people replied yes.

So Nasruddin said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time!" and left.

Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mulla to speak the following week.

Once again he asked the same question, "Do you know what I am going to say?"

Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "yes" while the other half replied "no".

So Nasruddin said "Let the half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the half who don't, and left."

download_1.png


Truth or Untruth

"Laws as such do not make people better," said Mulla Nasruddin to the King; "they must practice certain things, in order to become attuned to inner truth. This form of truth resembles apparent truth only slightly."

The King decided that he could, and would, make people observe the truth. He could make them practice truthfulness. His city was entered by a bridge. On this he built a gallows. The following day, when the gates were opened at dawn, the Captain of the Guard was stationed with a squad of troops to examine all who entered. An announcement was made: "Everyone will be questioned. If he tells the truth, he will be allowed to enter. If he lies, he will be hanged."

Nasruddin stepped forward. "Where are you going?" "I am on my way," said Nasruddin slowly, "to be hanged." "We don't believe you!" "Very well, if I have told a lie, hang me!" "But if we hang you for lying, we will have made what you said come true!"

"That's right: now you know what truth is - YOUR truth!"

download_1.png

What do you Own

Nasrudin found a valuable ring in the street. He wanted to keep it. But according to law the finder of an object had to go to the market-place and shout the fact three times in a loud voice.

At three o’clock in the morning the Mulla went to the square and shouted thrice: ‘I have found such-and-such a ring.’

By the third shout, people were pouring into the streets.

‘What is it all about, Mulla?’ they asked.

‘The law lays down a threefold repetition,’ said Nasrudin,

‘and for all I know I may be breaking it if I say the same thing a fourth time. But I’ll tell you something else: I am the owner of a diamond ring all right.’

download_1.png


The Real Man

Mulla Nasruddin heard that a party was being held in the nearby town.  Everyone was invited.  So he reaches there before time in expectation of good food.  But looking at his clothes he was given very irrelevant place.  The better tables were reserved for special guests and these guest were being awaited.  Nasruddin realized that still it will take lot of time for food to come. So he went to his home and came back in the best possible clothes.  Now the reception was totally different. He was given the best of the seats.  The host himself came out to receive him and gave him a place near the seat of the prince himself.  When the food came, Nasruddin started rubbing some of the food on the clothes.  The prince could not control himself.  
He asked "I am not able to understand your customs, your eminence."   
Nasruddin said "Nothing.  These clothes got me here to this food.  Surely then they deserve a portion of it too."

download_1.png


Worth of Silence

One day the Mulla was in the market and saw birds for sale at five hundred reals each.

‘My bird which is larger than any of these, is worth far more.’ he thought.  The next day he took his pet hen to market. Nobody would offer him more than fifty reals for it.

The Mulla shouted, ‘O people! This is a disgrace! Yesterday you were selling birds only half this size at ten times the price.’

Someone interrupted him, ‘Nasruddin, those were parrots, they talk. They are worth more because they talk.’

‘Fool!’ said Nasrudin; ‘those birds you value only because they can talk. You reject this one, which has wonderful thoughts and yet does not annoy people with chatter.’

download_1.png


Unanswered Questions

The King had sent a ‘cultural delegation’ through the villages to reassure people as there was a great deal of restlessness in the country. Their job was to impress people with their immense collection of knowledge and expertise.  One of them was a literary expert, another a priest, third one a high ranking warrior, still another a lawyer and many other including a member of royal family.  They would call upon a meeting in the open space near important villages which they selected for stopping.  People would assemble and ask them questions. 

Now when they arrived at Nasruddin's village there was already a large gathering to welcome them with the village head taking the lead.  Everyone was impressed to varied extent by the answers the delegation dished out for the questions they were asked.  Nasruddin was late at the party, but was pushed forward as he was a sort of hero, though a little whimsical.  Unknown of the things going on he asked, "What is going on here?" 

The head of the delegation said with a compassionate smile, "We are the best of experts in every field.  We are here to answer questions that people cannot find answers for themselves.  We are here to remove confusions of people.  And may I, gentleman, know who you are?"

"Ah, me?", Nasruddin answered dismissively, "well, you should have me as the head of your delegation."  Climbing the platform he proceeded, "here on this platform I truly belong.  Now you start putting those questions that puzzles you and I will be answering them.  O learned experts, let's start with some of the things that baffles you all?" 

download_1.png


Fight to Flight

It is dead of night, Nasruddin is in complete peace when suddenly he hears two men quarrelling outside.  Nasruddin get up, wrapping around the blanket around himself - this is the only blanket he has.  He runs out to try to stop the quarrel.  Both of these men are drunk.  When Nasruddin tries to explain them about sanity, one of them snatched away his blanked and then both ran away!

"What were they fight for?" his wife asked as soon as he went in.   
"Looks like it was for my blanket.  When they got that, the fight was over and the flight happened.  It was fight to flight"

download_1.png


Let the Pot Die

Needing a pot for some work, Nasruddin borrows it from a neighbor.  While returning he puts a small pot inside the borrowed pot.  When the neighbor sees that, he is puzzled and asks Nasruddin as to why he was giving this small pot also.  

Nasruddin replies, "Rejoice, when your pot was at my place it gave birth to this small cutie."  The neighbor is simply pleased to accept all such trash of explanation.  He thanks Nasruddin for taking care of the mother and the baby during those delicate times.

Few weeks later Nasruddin again comes back to that same neighbor and asks to borrow the same pot.  The neighbor, considering that my pot may again become pregnant and beget a baby, is just too happy to lend it.  After several days passed, nothing came back from Nasruddin.  Finally after waiting for long he knocks at Nasruddin's door and asks for the pot to be returned.

"Good that you came" said Nasruddin dejectedly, "I was not sure how to tell you this.  Inspite of my best care, I am afraid to say, your pot died!"

"Come on, Nasruddin, don't joke. How can a pot die."

"If it can give birth, then it can surely die too.  There was no problem when it gave birth, then why this fuss now?"

download_1.png

The moving friend

"Nasruddin,” a friend said one day, “I’m moving to another village. Can I have your ring? That way, I will remember you every time I look at it?”

“Well,” replied Nasruddin, “you might lose the ring and then forget about me. How about I don’t give you a ring in the first place—that way, every time that you look at your finger and don’t see a ring, you’ll definitely remember me.”

download_1.png

 Gets a cow

One day, Nasruddin’s wife told him, “Let’s buy a cow so that we can have milk every day.

Nasruddin replied, “We don’t have enough space in our yard for my donkey and a new cow.”

But despite Nasruddin’s objection, his wife persisted until he finally gave in.

So he bought the cow—and just he predicted, it crowded his beloved donkey in the barn. This prompted Nasruddin to start praying one night, saying, “Dear God, please kill the cow, so my wife can’t bother me about it anymore, and so my donkey can live in peace.”

The next day, Nasruddin went into the barn and was dismayed to discover that his donkey was dead! He looked up and said, “God, I don’t mean to offend you or anything, but let me ask you this—after all these years, do you mean to tell me that you still can’t tell the difference between a cow and a donkey?”

download_1.png

 What is useful

Nasruddin sometimes took people for trips in his boat. One day a fussy pedagogue hired him to ferry him across a very wide river. As soon as they were afloat the scholar asked whether it was going to be rough. ‘Don’t ask me nothing about it,’ said Nasruddin. ‘Have you never studied grammar?’ ‘No,’ said the Mulla. ‘In that case, half your life has been wasted.’ The Mulla said nothing. Soon a terrible storm blew up. The Mulla’s crazy cockleshell was filling with water. He leaned over towards his companion. ‘Have you ever learnt to swim?’ ‘No,’ said the pedant. ‘In that case, schoolmaster, ALL your life is lost, for we are sinking.’

download_1.png

 Beauty

Father: "Remember, son, beauty is only skin deep." 
Mulla Nasruddin: "'Shhhh' deep enough for me. I'm no cannibal."

download_1.png

Nasruddin vs intellectuals

The philosophers, logicians and doctors of law were drawn up at Court to examine Nasruddin. This was a serious case, because he had admitted going from village to village saying: ‘The so-called wise men are ignorant, irresolute and confused.’ He was charged with undermining the security of the State. ‘You may speak first,’ said the King. ‘Have paper and pens brought,’ said the Mulla. Paper and pens were brought. ‘Give some to each of the first seven savants.’ They were distributed. ‘Have them separately write an answer to this question: “What is bread?”’ This was done. The papers were handed to the King, who read them out: The first said: ‘Bread is a food.’ The second: ‘It is flour and water.’ The third: ‘A gift of God.’ The fourth: ‘Baked dough.’ The fifth: ‘Changeable, according to how you mean “bread”.’ The sixth: ‘A nutritious substance.’ The seventh: ‘Nobody really knows.’ ‘When they decide what bread is,’ said Nasruddin, ‘it will be possible for them to decide other things. For example, whether I am right or wrong. Can you entrust matters of assessment and judgement to people like this? Is it or is it not strange that they cannot agree about something which they eat each day, yet are unanimous that I am a heretic?’

download_1.png

End of excuses

Nasruddin snuck into someone’s garden and began putting vegetable in his sack. The owner saw him and shouted, “What are you doing in my garden?”

“The wind blew me here,” Nasruddin confidently responded.

“That sounds like bull to me,” was the reply, “but let’s assume that the wind did blow you here. Now then, how can you explain how those vegetables were pulled out from my garden?”

“Oh, that’s simple,” Nasruddin explained. “I had to grab them to stop myself from being thrown any further by the wind.”

“Well,” the man continued, “then tell me this—how did the vegetables get in your sack?”

“You know what,” Nasruddin said, “I was just standing here and wondering that same thing myself!“

download_1.png 

Already knowing

It seemed to the father of Mulla Nasruddin that, now that his son had turned thirteen, it was important to discuss these matters which an adolescent ought to know about life. So he called Nasruddin into the study one evening, shut the door careful, and said with impressive dignity: "Son, I would like to discuss the facts of life with you." "Sure thing, Dad," said Nasruddin. "What do you want to know?"

download_1.png 

Eating or preaching

The local religious leader invited Nasruddin over for dinner one night.

Nasruddin, not having eaten much that day, was famished when he got there, and eger to eat as soon as possible.

After two hours, however, the religious leader had yet to offer Nasruddin any food, and instead spoke nonstop about a variety of religious topics.

As Nasruddin grew more annoyed with each passing minute, he finally interrupted the man and said, “May I ask you something?”

“What?” the religious leader answered, eager to hear some religious question that would prompt him to continue talking.

“I was just wondering,” Nasruddin said, “did any of the people in your stories ever eat?”

download_1.png

Quarrel with wife

"We've been married for a year and we never quarrel," explained Mulla Nasruddin.
"If a difference of opinion arises and my wife is right, I give in right away."
His astonished friend asked, "And what if you are right, Mulla?"
"Well," said Nasruddin, "Thankfully, that situation has never come up."

download_1.png

Who shot that

The Fair was in full swing, and Nasruddin’s senior disciple asked whether he and his fellow-students might be allowed to visit it. ‘Certainly,’ said Nasruddin; ‘for this is an ideal opportunity to continue practical teaching.’ The Mulla headed straight for the shooting-gallery, one of the great attractions: for large prizes were offered for even one bull’s-eye. At the appearance of the Mulla and his flock the townsfolk gathered around. When Nasruddin himself took up the bow and three arrows, tension mounted. Here, surely, it would be demonstrated that Nasruddin sometimes overreached himself... ‘Study me attentively.’ The Mulla flexed the bow, tilted his cap to the back of his head like a soldier, took careful aim and fired. The arrow went very wide of the mark. There was a roar of derision from the crowd, and Nasruddin’s pupils stirred uneasily, muttering to one another. The Mulla turned and faced them all. ‘Silence! This was a demonstration of how the soldier shoots. He is often wide of the mark. That is why he loses wars. At the moment when I fired I was identified with a soldier. I said to myself, “I am a soldier, firing at the enemy.”’ He picked up the second arrow, slipped it into the bow and tweaked the string. The arrow fell short, halfway towards the target. There was dead silence. ‘Now,’ said Nasruddin to the company, ‘you have seen the shot of a man who was too eager to shoot, yet who, having failed at his first shot, was too nervous to concentrate. The arrow fell short.’ Even the stallholder was fascinated by these explanations. The Mulla turned nonchalantly towards the target, aimed and let his arrow fly. It hit the very centre of the bull’s-eye. Very deliberately he surveyed the prizes, picked the one which he liked best, and started to walk away. A clamour broke out.
‘Silence!’ said Nasruddin. ‘Let one of you ask me what you all seem to want to know.’ For a moment nobody spoke. Then a yokel shuffled forward. ‘We want to know which of you fired the third shot.’ ‘That? Oh, that was me.’

download_1.png

Insured Marriage

"Now that you are married, Mulla, I suppose you will take out an insurance policy?" Mulla Nasruddin's friend told him at work. "Oh, no," answered Nasruddin. "I don't think she's going to be so dangerous."

download_1.png

Daughter-in-Law

Nasruddin, knowing his son was looking for a wife, asked him what type of wife he wanted.
“One who is intelligent and expressive“ the latter replied.
“OK,” replied Nasruddin, “I’ll help you find such a woman.”
So as part of his plan, Nasruddin led his son to the town square. He then slapped his son in front of all the people and exclaimed, “This is what you get for doing exactly what I told you to do!“
One young lady saw this and remarked, “Stop hitting him. How can you punish him for obeying what you said?”
When the son heard this, he turned to his father and said, “She seems like the right woman for me—don’t you think so?”
“Well,” replied Nasruddin, “she is certainly expressive and intelligent, but perhaps ther’e a woman out there who isan even better fit for you.”
So Nasruddin led his son the neighboring area’s town square and repeated the same scene. This time, a young lady saw this and said, “Go ahead and hit him. Only a fool would follow orders so blindly.”
When Nasruddin heard this, he said to his son, “The first woman, she was intelligent and expressive—but this woman is on an entirely higher level altogether. I think we’ve found your future wife.”

download_1.png

Fear

Mulla Nasruddin was scheduled to die in a gas chamber. On the morning of the day of his execution he was asked by the warden if there was anything special he would like for breakfast.
”YES,” said Nasruddin, ”MUSHROOMS. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AFRAID TO EAT THEM FOR FEAR OF BEING POISONED.”

download_1.png

Why are we here

Walking one evening along a deserted road, Mulla Nasruddin saw a troop of horsemen coming towards him. His imagination started to work; he saw himself captured and sold as a slave, or impressed into the army. Nasruddin bolted, climbed a wall into a graveyard, and lay down in an open tomb. Puzzled at his strange behaviour, the men – honest travelers – followed him. They found him stretched out, tense and quivering. ‘What are you doing in that grave? We saw you run away. Can we help you?’ ‘Just because you can ask a question does not mean that there is a straightforward answer to it,’ said the Mulla, who now realised what had happened. ‘It all depends upon your viewpoint. If you must know, however: I am here because of you, and you are here because of me.’

download_1.png

Trick of words

‘Cause sustenance to be produced for the quadrupeds,’ called an affected and imperious nobleman, dismounting in Nasruddin’s courtyard, ‘and conduct me to the tranquillity inducing chambers where I may be regaled with appropriate nutriment.’ Such members of the Sultan’s Court were difficult to deny, and Nasruddin ran to do his bidding. When the interloper was settled on the best couch, sipping Nasruddin’s coffee, the Mulla brought the Kazi (magistrate) to meet him. ‘O great noble,’ said Nasruddin, ‘have you land?’ ‘A million jaribs.’ ‘And do you use quadrupeds for ploughing?’ ‘Yes, indeed.’ ‘Would you buy from me two dozen quadrupeds at a price of five silver pieces each?’ The patrician knew plough-animals were worth a hundred pieces of silver. He eagerly assented. Nasruddin went out and bought twenty-four rabbits for a silver piece each. He presented these quadrupeds to the noble. He appealed to the Kazi. ‘We must stick to the letter of the law,’ said the pedant, ‘and I uphold the contention that rabbits are four-footed.’

download_1.png

Loan Request

Nasruddin struck up a conversation with a stranger.
At one point, he asked, “So how’s business?”
“Great,” the other replied.
“Then can I borrow ten dollars?”
“No. I don’t know you well enough to lend you money,”.
“That’s strange,” replied Nasruddin. “Where I used to live, people wouldn’t lend me money because they knew me; and now that I’ve moved here, people won’t lend me money because they don’t know me!“

download_1.png

Certain about aunt

"These spoons which your aunt gave us as a wedding present are not real silver," announced Mulla Nasruddin. "Do you know anything about silver, Mulla?" asked his wife. "No," replied Nasruddin, "but I know a lot about your aunt."

download_1.png

Party is ON

"Darling," she whispered to Mulla Nasrudin after the last guest had left the wedding reception, "for the rest of your life you will have to put up with my ugly face."
"Never mind," said Nasrudin. "I will be out at work all day."

download_1.png

Nasruddin's Tomb

Mulla Nasruddin supervised the building of his own tomb.
At last, after one shortcoming after another had been righted,
the mason came for his money.
"It is not right yet, builder."
"Whatever more can be done with it?"
"We still have to supply the body."

download_1.png

Blind following

"Please, mister, will you ring that doorbell for me?" asked little Nasruddin.
The gentleman obliged with a beaming smile.
"Now, sonny, what else should I do?"
"Run like hell!" said Nasruddin.

download_1.png

Your Worth

‘Tell me the truth,’ said Tamerlane to Nasruddin, as they
sat in the steam-room of a Turkish bath.
‘I always do, Majesty,’ said the Mulla.
‘What am I worth?’
‘Five gold pieces.’
The King looked annoyed. ‘This belt which secures my
bathing-trunks is worth just that.’
‘You are without value,’ said the Mulla, ‘and when you talk
about ‘worth’ I am forced to answer in terms of the question.
If you are talking about money, I give you the exterior value —
that of the belt. If you are talking about inner worth, it cannot
be answered in words.’

download_1.png

Lake without Water

Walking with a disciple one day, Mulla Nasruddin saw for the first time in his life a beautiful lakeland scene.
‘What a delight!’ he exclaimed.
‘But if only, if only...’
‘If only what, Master?’
‘If only they had not put water into it!’

download_1.png

Sun vs Moon

Man: “Nasruddin, what is more valuable to us—the sun or the moon?”
Nasruddin: “Well, the sun is out during the daytime when there is light. The moon, on the other hand, provides light during the night when it’s dark. Thus, the moon is obviously much more valuable.”

download_1.png

Laughing turns to crying

A man showed a compass to Nasruddin and asked him what it was. Nasruddin immediately began laughing. But just seconds later, he began crying.
The man noticed his bizarre behavior, and asked, “What was that? Why did you start laughing few seconds ago, and then all of a sudden start crying?”
“At first,” Nasruddin responded, "“I laughed at you because you didn’t know what that object was; but then I realized that I didn’t know what it was either, so I cried.”

download_1.png

Your cat is dead

Nasruddin had a cousin who went to live far away, and left some of his possessions with Nasruddin.
One day, the cousin’s cat died, and Nasruddin sent him a message that bluntly said: “Your cat is dead.”
The cousin, very upset, sent a message back that said, “Where I live, we give people bad news more tactfully. Instead of just telling me flat out that my cat was dead, you should have let me know me little by little. You should have started off by saying, first told me, ‘Your cat is acting strange,’ then later said, ‘your cat is jumping all over the place,’ then still later told me, ‘Your cat is missing,’ and then finally broken the news and said, ‘Your cat is dead.’
A month later, Nasruddin’s cousin received a new letter from Nasruddin, which said: “Your mother is acting strange."

download_1.png

Will of Nasruddin

‘The law prescribes that my dependents must receive certain fixed proportions of my possessions and money.
‘I have nothing: let this be divided in accordance with the arithmetical formulae of the law.
‘That which is left over is to be given to the poor.’

download_1.png

Liar Nasruddin

Mayor: “Nasruddin. You are known to be a liar and exaggerator. Tell me a lie without thinking, and I will reward you with fifty dollars.”
Nasruddin: “Fifty dollars? You just promised me a hundred dollars!“

download_1.png

Nasruddin dies

Nasruddin was very old and lying on his bed, about to die at any moment.
He said to his wife, “Why are you dressed in black and looking so sorrowful? Go put on your finest clothes, fix up your hair, and smile!“
“Nasruddin,” she tearfully responded, “how can you ask me to do such a thing? You are ill, and I am dressed like this out of respect for you.”
“Yes,” Nasruddin said, “and that’s why I made my request. The Angel of Death will be here soon, and if he sees you all dressed up and beautiful, maybe he’ll leave me and take you instead.”
And after giving a little laugh, Nasruddin died.

download_1.png

Selfish

Monk: “I have achieved an incredible level of detachment from myself—so much so that I only think of others, and never of myself.”
Nasruddin: “Well, I have reached a more advanced state than that.”
Monk: “How so?”
Nasruddin: “I am so objective that I can actually look at another person as if he were me, and by doing so, I can think of myself!“

download_1.png

Alive or dead

‘Some people’, said the Mulla to himself one day, ‘are dead when they seem to be alive. Others, again, are alive although they seem to be dead. How can we tell if a man is dead or if he is
alive?’
He repeated this last sentence so loudly that his wife heard. She said to him: ‘Foolish man! If the hands and feet are quite cold, you can be sure that he is dead.’
Not long afterwards Nasruddin was cutting wood in the forest when he realised that his extremities were almost frozen by the bitter cold.
‘Death’, he said, ‘now seems to be upon me. The dead do not cut wood; they lie down respectably, for they have no need of physical movement.’
He lay down under a tree. A pack of wolves, emboldened by their sufferings during that harsh winter, and thinking the man dead, descended upon the Mulla’s donkey and ate it.
‘Such is life!’ the Mulla reflected; ‘one thing is conditional upon another. Had I been alive you would not have taken such liberties with my donkey.’

download_1.png

Find a Master

Nasruddin was sent by the King to investigate the lore of various kinds of Eastern mystical teachers. They all recounted to him tales of the miracles and the sayings of the founders and great teachers, all long dead, of their schools. When he returned home, he submitted his report, which contained the single word ‘Carrots’. He was called upon to explain himself. Nasruddin told the King: ‘The best part is buried; few know – except the farmer – by the green that there is orange underground; if you don’t work for it, it will deteriorate; there are a great many donkeys associated with it.’

download_1.png

Simplicity

It was a cold winter day, and a heavily dressed man noticed Nasruddin outside wearing very little clothing.
“Mulla,” the man said, “tell me, how is it that I am wearing all these clothes and still feel a little cold, whereas you are barely wearing anything yet seem unaffected by the weather?”
“Well,” replied Nasruddin, “I don’t have any more clothes, so I can’t afford to feel cold, whereas you have plenty of clothes, and thus have the liberty to feel cold.”

download_1.png

All you need

‘I’ll have you hanged,’ said a cruel and ignorant king, who had heard of Nasruddin’s powers, ‘if you don’t prove that you are a mystic.’
‘I see strange things,’ said Nasruddin at once; ‘a golden bird in the sky, demons under the earth.’
‘How can you see through solid objects? How can you see far into the sky?’
‘Fear is all you need.’ smiled Nasruddin.

download_1.png

King visits

His Imperial Majesty the Shahinshah arrived unexpectedly at the teahouse where Nasruddin had been left in charge. The Emperor called for an omelette. 
‘We shall now continue with the hunt,’ he told the Mulla. ‘So tell me what I owe you.’ 
‘For you and your five companions, Sire, the omelettes will be a thousand gold pieces.’ 
The Emperor raised his eyebrows. ‘Eggs must be very costly here. Are they as scarce as that?’ 
‘It is not the eggs which are scarce here, Majesty – it is the visits of kings.’

download_1.png

Can we Play

The four-year-old Nasruddin's birthday party was well organized the neighbourhood ladies, with games, races, and treasure hunts. In the midst of the confusion, little Nasruddin asked: "When this is all over, can we play?"

download_1.png